Video Game Review Hullabaloo!

Because that's really what I've been spending my time with. And they fit under the banner of trash culture, especially if you're Roger Ebert. I'm going to try to go over every video game I've played in the last two months or so, whether I have any business doing so or not. So that should be fun.

Mass Effect- Other than the fact that some of the various alien races sound like they belong to a Canadian Theatre Troupe, I am completely in awe of this gang. The level of production value and design is amazing here; all of the aliens feel like they're from distinctively, well, alien cultures, and more so than any other game (especially one so steeped in as well trod ground as the Sci-Fi genre), it feels like there's a living, breathing world here. So yeah, I'm very impressed by this game, especially as some who usually doesn't care for RPGs. The action elements of the combat and the interactive nature of everything from your character's backstory to every conversation you take part in certainly goes a long way in overcoming the prejudices I have against RPGs, and they also make this one of the few non-sports or fighting game I can see myself revisiting multiple times. It also one of the few games I've ever really not wanted to beat, because I don't want it to end. So yeah, color me impressed here.

Assassain's Creed- The gameplay on this one is incredibly intuitive despite being so different from every other platformer/open world game on the market. Much like Mass Effect, it's an incredibly polished product. I haven't been able to dig as far in to it as I have ME, but from what I've seen, it lives up to the hype. Even if it's as redundant as its reputed to be, I could live with that, because the experience is so damn polished. Beyond that, how many other games have you played that are set in the Middle East during the Crusades? I really appreciate novelty in games, and this has it in spades. Also, it has Kristen Bell as a voice actress, so that's one for the plus column right there, even if she isn't playing my favorite sluething teenager. At least she's not an amoral social retard who shoots lightning.

Fire Pro Wrestling R- Well, at least something here can tie in to the nominal theme of the blog. This incarnation of the venerable Japanese wrestling franchise has made it state side as a budget title for the venerable PS2, and as much as I enjoy the Smackdown games, I'm really glad to have finally have an alternative again, even if it lacks Funk Master Flex as a playable character.

It does have almost everyone else you can think of not under contract with WWE, though. Every Japanese fed is represented, including ROH regulars Takeshi Morishima and KENTA, with hilarious, copyright evading monikers to avoid lawsuits. There are quite a few American guys in there, as well, from Sting and Vader to AJ Styles and Petey Williams. Hell, even the Great Kahli and Andre the Giant are present, so you can put on that anti-dream match if you so desire.

The game's an anchronism compared to the Smackdown series in a lot of ways. The graphics are sprite based, and not even super detailed Capcom sprites; the diffrences between this and a really polished Super NES game is negligible. While this means that you can get 8 wrestlers, a referee, and a variety of weapons on screen without any slowdown, the characters lack detail, more important to me, personality. No one seems to have any distinctive mannersims or animation.

There's also the gameplay, which leads to some annoyances, the main one being that you have to be in just the right position to hit any of your strikes, lest you wind up flailing around like an dead fish on the mat. While it comes across as a nice change of pace compared to the ultra sim direction the Smackdown games have gone in, I've never been a huge fan of the quirks involved in Fire Pro's unforgiving, timing based gameplay, although it seems less punishing with a controller than it was trying to play it with a keyboard via an emulator.

There's also the lack of bells and whistles. While it's not really fair to compare this game to the Smackdown games, it's kind of hard not to, given the fact that it's the closest basis of compairson. Things like the Mactchmaker Mode (the closest thing to Smackdown's addicting (for me) GM mode) have too many annoying quirks to make them fun; the translation is Engrish at its most broken, which applies to everything form the game menus to the instruction manual (which makes figuring some things out a real pain); and things like the entrances and arenas are strictlt no frills.

But, given the price tag and the sheer depth on display in the roster, create-a-wrestler mode, and gameplay, its failings in the technical categories are middling at worst. The animations of the actual moves are beautiful, the action's intense, and with the use of the Landmine Deathmatch, you can finally relive Mick Foley's explosive Japanese Missadventures in the comfort of your living room. This is the closest thing to the vaunted No Mercy that's been released since its heyday (well, other than the download of the game on the Virtual Console for the Wii), and worth checking out if you're a wrestling fan with a PS2 (especially if your an ROH fan and/or someone bemused by the Smackdown vs. Raw games).

Kane and Lynch: Dead Men- I wasn't so in to this one. Not as much as this guy, mainly because I don't mind how "ugly" the story was, given that Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips crime comic Criminal has given me a primer on the crime/noir genre, and encountering it in video game form was the whole draw of the thing for me. I wasn't looking for anyone to root for, I just wanted a compelling story that hit all the notes you accept from this sort of thing; broken people looking for a sliver of redemption and not finding it, with all of the double and triple crosses that entails. I shouldn't give the guy too much shit over this, given its probably why he was apparently fired over it and all, but still.

The story more or less gave me the jet black sensibilities, but it wasn't quite compelling enough to make me put up with the flawed gameplay that any longer than I had it out for a rental. In its attempt to throw you in to the action, it veered to close to incoherence for my taste, as opposed to the in media res quality I assume they were going for. But mainly, I just wasn't in to the whole idea of a squad based shooter where your squad isn't functional. With these kind of games, I always wonder if it's the game or me, since I'm not sure if I'm playing it the way it was intended to be; given that the reviewer had similar complaints, I don't
feel so bad about giving up on the game. It also means I feel obligated to put the reviewer up if he needs a place to live after losing his job and all.

I've played a lot of other games lately, but after making light a of a man's missfortune, I don't feel like talking about them in any depth. I just can't top/go any lower than that, especially when talking about solid but unspectacular games like Conan and the Simpsons Game (especially since I said everything I need to about them already in a sentence apiece earlier anyway), or the very good Tomb Raider Anniversary, which is a great spin on the acrobatics/deathtrap-centric gameplay I loved so much in the Ubisoft Price of Persia games; which is pretty amazing, given that it's a remake of a ten year old game at this point. While there's still some trial and error based gameplay that leads to some nasty deaths in there, it's nowhere as random as the sequels that followed it (I know developer Crystal Dynamics streamlined the game a bit), which took frustration to a new level. So its worth giving a run through. That went on longer than I wanted it to.

Hey, Remember How Great We Used To Be? (RAW 15th Anniversary Show)

I don't write here too much these days, mainly because whatever spare time I have to write about wrestling online is going towards Inside Pulse. That, and I have my rampant video game addiction to keep up. And I even occassionally go to work! So, yeah, kind of pressed for time. That said, the WWE had a couple of things all internet wrasslin' wags are required to write about, and who am I to shirk that duty?

So, yeah, that RAW 15th Anniversary Show; it sure did a good job reminding you how fun the show used to be, and how much it isn't, by and large, now. I mean, sure, Scott Keith said it better because, you know, he's Scott Fucking Keith, but I think that's another thing you have to mention when writing about this. It was pure nostalgia, but what the hell else do you ask from an anniversary show. There was all of the requisite "Hey, it's __" moments, from a totally surprising RVD appearence to Tammy Sytch being really, really hot again. On a further libidinous note, I have to begrudingly agree with Papa Smark and say that Trish looked borderline unhealthy but retirement seems to agree with Lita (by the way, her punk band's coming down here; I'm not going, but it's happening).

All of the fun bits aside (I think Mike Shaw may have been more svelte than Tammy, especially compared to his Bastion Booger days), it is hard to escape how much the current product pales in comparison to the best moments, even keeping in mind the fact that nostalgia is so intoxicating because you're only think about the best times, and not remembering that there was a whole heap load of medicore crap endemic to WWE even in their best days. Their were two title matches and a main event caliber six man that all felt rushed, but the matches were beyond the point. I dunno, it was a fun show, but kind of depressing when compared to the current product, even for someone like myself who finds it not totally without merit these days.

Oh yeah, there's also a PPV today, but I think it's telling that they ran the big anniversary show in lieu of doing a hype job on it this week. It is, after all, Armageddon, which always feels like the least important show of the year, due to its placement at the end of the year and before the Royal Rumble and the beginning of the Road to Wrestlemania. This year isn't terribly different, although at least they're trying harder than TNA did with their December offering, which would have made a good Impact.

There are some matches I have a decent interest in; HBK vs. Kennedy foremost among them, just to see how much working with Shawn will do with the Annoited One (or annoying one) of up and coming young guys. Khali vs. Finaly is on a similar, if even more extreme, level of "how good a match can the veteran get out of the new-ish guy." MVP and Rey have shown good chemistry in the past, although the fact that they've had a couple good, long-ish matches on Smackdown dissuades me from paying money to see them. I'm sure the title matches and Hardy vs. the Hs will be solid at the least, too. Kane and Punk vs. Men on a Mission 2K7 is the only real stinker announced so far (not the least of which because Matt Stryker is no Moe), but that's to expected as long as ECW's a repository for guys who don't get over. It actually sounds like a better than average card; I just don't want to pay money for it. My priorities are elsewhere anyway; it is the season of giving, after all. So, when I am being a selfish prick and spending my money on myself insted of others, I want it to be on something better than an WWE PPV.

In the "Things That Aren't Suprising To Anyone Category", Here's Another One:

Scott Hall no showed TNA's Pay-Per-View last night. I'm sure I wasn't alone in my initial reaction when reading the results of "so what else is new," followed by a wave of indifference and mild happiness that Eric Young got to main event (although you can ask Chris Harris how that kind of spot leads to a serious push). And then I read this, and remembered that this kept Nash out of a main event years ago in TNA, and remained sort of indifferent, but thought "well, at least he didn't just wander in to a bar or get stuck on a Spider-Man rollercoaster or something."

And then I read this. That's all kinds of interesting, and not just for the awesome typo of "foot poisoning" from Aaron Glazer, but because this shoot interview may have actually been a shoot, in the sense that it really did piss off Nash and Dixie Carter.

Mind you, between the fact that this came from a dirt sheet and is at this point third hand gossip, and the fact that Russo so overused the idea of shoots during his WCW run that it became a running joke between a friend of mine that endures to this day, despite the fact that he no longer watches wrestling unless I drag him to a PPV; it sort of sounds like it could all be bullshit, is what I'm trying to say, although it has a ring of truth, especially since Nash apparently pushed to get Joe in to TNA in the first place.

That said, it's nice to see something of genuine interest out of a TNA PPV besides Kurt Angle winning so many belts you worry he'll further cripple himself carrying them around, all in his attempt to become the new Jeff Jarrett. Too bad its not from the actual matches, but instead Scott Hall being Scott Hall. Seriously, even for TNA, this was an extremely underwhelming card, which is pretty hard to reconcile with how much I've enjoyed the 2 hour shows. It should be interesting to see how this all plays out; apparently Low-Ki is on his way out, all though that is:

a) Not surprising, since the dirt sheets have been saying he's wanted a release for awhile now.
b) Given how little he's done since he came back, for whatever reason, I wouldn't really miss him; he's more or less a jobber at this point, so they might as well just let him go back to Japan or ROH (if he's welcome). I enjoy the guy's work, but I think it was telling that he and Skipper were standing in the background of Daniels' promo a couple weeks ago.

Glazer made the parallel between what Ki did here and what Raven did during the beginning of the end in WCW in '99; we'll see if the morale level is comporable. I've never wanted to be the guy who compares TNA to WCW, but it's hard to avoid it sometimes.

Having now seen the promo via Glazer's youtube link, I'm not convinced it was a shoot; it was very good, mind you, but it reminded me a lot of Russo's speech at Bash at the Beach 2000, and I have a hard time believing they'd let him go on like that, especially after the "fire me, I don't care" bit. Not that my disbelief means it didn't actually happen, but I'm expecting this to lead to another of Russo's beloved shoot angles. Once again, we'll have to see.