Oh wait, there is one thing to get excited about besides putting Johnny Nitro through flaming tables!

Jericho's comeback is tonight, unless everyone on internet wrestling pundit is completely wrong. Or they want to fake the audience out because they've already figured it out. Or this is bullshit.

So, yeah, Jericho's coming back tonight, and not a moment too soon (several moments later than I would have liked, really, but it was nice that he got a chance to recharge his batteries, write a very interesting sounding book, and job on Celebrity Duets). That's something to get excited about, even if it says a lot about how moribund WWE has been lately that a guy who's been gone for two years return is the most exciting event oustide of Wrestlemania in recent memory. Being a pretty big Jericho fan (more of one since he hasn't been around to class up RAW; absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that), I prefer to not look at it that cynically, though; at least not for long.

This second coming has a pretty high standard to live up to, given how great his first debut was, but I'm (perhaps foolishly) hoping that given the time, build up, and the fact that it's Chris Fucking Jericho, it will give us our first really great RAW moment in a long time. And hey, this time his hair will look less ridiculous and he won't be verbally eviscerated by the Scorpion King, so he's got that going for him. Otherwise, RAW looks like business as usual, but for once it doesn't matter at all what's on the show; it could be a an hour and a half Khali/Big Daddy V Iron Man Match and I'd still be excited. I'd of course wait 'til RAW was over and fastforward through the shitty match, mind you, but still; excited! That's something I haven't been for an episode of RAW since I had to adjust my medication; taking chemical imbalances off the table, I can't even remember when the last time I was actually looking forward to an episode, as opposed to just watching it out of habit. Before I can think about the implications of that, I'll take my leave, lest I have to become a whiney ROH-bot. (Just kidding, new Inside Pulse colleague! But seriously, how does that Kool-Aid taste? If it's grape, I'll shut the fuck up and start marking out for Bryan Danielson.)

How I spent my weekend

Didn't watch Survivor Series last night. I was too busy painting, and had pretty much decided I wasn't going to make the trip down to the local sports bar before I got stuck holding a roller most of yesterday anyway. I haven't even checked the results yet, really, and I'm kind of okay with just finding out via the shows, just like back in the old days when I couldn't watch the PPV. The fact that my internet is about as reliable as Scott Hall at this point has little to do with that, too. (Speaking of Hall, I'm recapping his appearences in TNA for Inside Pulse now, in case you didn't know.)

I was, however, totally immersed in a WWE product for the last few days, when I wasn't holding a brush. It just happened to be in the form of the new Raw vs. Smackdown game. I was a little underwhelmed with it at first to be honest. But then I learned how the new control scheme works, and it's been all gravy since. The new career mode looks incredibly deep, as you can really build up your wrestler. The General Manager mode, my favorite part of the recent games and the one thats eaten up the most of my time, to the point that it's almost an World of Warcraft-esque addiction, also has star building features, but really, as long as I can run my own wrestling promotion without actually having to be in this scummy business, I'll happily waste my life on THQ's annual grappling offerings. I mean, I have Edge as the ECW Champion, with Rey Mysterio and Monty Brown breathing down his neck, and Jack Evans and Kaz on the roster! You just can't beat that kind of masturbatory wrestling nerd joy. Also, you can set tables on fire. So, yeah, that'll keep me busy for awhile. Longer than the Conan game (so slavishly devoted to trying to be God of War that it's about as long as the first game in that series, but still a head cracking good time) and the Simpsons Game (a must play for Simpsons fans, for the inside humor, but pretty much a generic platformer otherwise). Although I'm going to try and fit in the 15,000 other high profile new 360 games in to my busy, sedentary schedule. So don't expect much blogging. I hope my one confirmed reader can forgive me. And I really need to finish this monster paragraph.

RAW is Moolah (and Maria covered in beer)

With Andy Wheeler having answered a slightly burning question of mine about how the WGA strike affects WWE (apparently, not all, as long as most of the booking team isn't in the union, HHH's line about no one writing DX's crappy opening promo notwithstanding), I can get down to the important business of talking about another underwhelming but completely watchable two hours of WWE television.
So it turns out Moolah did get a nice, long video package, which was good to see. It covered all the bases it needed to, and filled in fans who were ignorant of her outside of her appearances in recent years as a sex crazed geriatric as to why she was such a big deal. It was interesting to learn that she was the first woman to ever wrestle in MSG (well, one of two, presumably), on top of the factoids I already knew about her.

The two big tag matches were solid, unspectacular formula stuff. The DX match was about what you'd expect, and continues both feuds it encompassed at pretty much the same pace as they've been going for the last month or so. HHH as the face in peril's a decent change of pace, although they need to take every opportunity they can get to make him sympathetic if he's meant to take the belt off Orton. Also, it does never get old seeing Orton kicked in the face, so that always earns at least one snowflake for any match in my book.

Hardy/Mysterio vs. Finlay/Kennedy felt pretty short, despite being spread out over a commercial, but I guess they needed the time for the main event and the Austin/Marella confrontation. Kennedy and Finlay's tension reminds me of the feud it looked like they were going to have before Smackdown's upper card went to hell in a handbasket during the spring, and hey, we did at least get that 619/swanton combo. The Survivor Series match these four will be part of could be fun, although I have a feeling it will lack the sheer hilarity of last year, when CM Punk cheers drowned out HHH's attempts to do DX's schtick. Coincidentally, Punk was buried in ECW a couple weeks later.

As far as that goes, you're either going to see it as a fun bit of nostalgia or the pointless wheeling out of a hoary old act that gets no one over and leads to matches, depending on your perspective, with the reference to the classic "beer bath" skit from the heyday of the Attitude era on top of Stone Cold's familiar/tired schtick. I'd be more willing to lean toward the latter if we didn't get Maria in a wet dress. That pushed it towards acceptability to me. Now Santino can move on to directing his powers of annoyance towards someone he can have an actual match with. Even if that's Ron Simmons. How weird is it that he's still wrestling in 2007?

Other than Shelton Benjamin jobbing to Super Crazy for no particular reason (he and Haas don't even rate an intro anymore?), there's not much else to say about the show, other than that it lacked Kevin Federline being FU'd and the Jackass guys pissing off a 300+ pound Samoan and getting stiffed for it. I leave it as an exercise to the reader as to whether that's a good or bad thing.

Best RAW Match Over the Last Year

And, while I may or may not have the attention of whatever audience I've accumulated here, why don't you tell me what was your favorite RAW match over the last year? I ask, because watching the Eddie/RVD and TLC RAW matches on the Ladder Match DVD made me think that there hasn't been anything like those (and a few other gems from the post brand extension era) in the last year or so, since Kurt Angle jumped to Smackdown, and probably even before that, to back when he whose name must not be spoken (Benoit, not C'lthu) was hanging around. So, anyone want to take a stab at it? The best ones I can think of are Orton/Edge and the hour long Michaels/Cena match in London, but even those don't really fit the bill (I think the latter one was more impressive because they went so long, and the latter probably wouldn't have rated as highly with me if there hadn't been a lack of good stuff recently). I can't remember anything from 2006 impressing me at all, but maybe someone (anyone) has a different opinion.

Hey! Is there anybody out there?

Any and all potential readers; let me know you exist in the comments section. I am in desperate need of validation that someone besides my hardcore fans (hi mom!) are reading this. I swear I'll read and respond to your comments if you do! It can be dual validation!

Wrestling Minutia Link Blogging!

Answers to burning questions you didn't even know you had, such as:
Were there two big debuts and Cyber Sunday and did your multiple votes for the Irish Walking Stick on a Pole Match count?

What chairtable endeavor has America's favorite tough guy transvestite been up to since being released by WWE?

How many pop ups are you willing to sit through in order to see how well Hulk Hogan's kid photographs?

Link Blogging about deaths, steroids, and less depressing things

The Fabulous Moolah has passed away at the age of 84. My condolences to her family. Her run as Women's Champion (28 years!) makes Trish Stratus's one year and change recently look like a hiccup by comparison, although it must be said that this happened in an era when Bruno Sammartino could hold the WWF Championship for seven years. She'll always be remembered for that, to the point where Whoopie Goldberg mentioned her on The View this morning; not that I saw it or anything.

She was from a completely different era of women's wrestling, before everything from GLOW to bra and panties matches made the requirements for being a female wrestler were more about how you looked than how you could actually, you know, wrestle. Hopefully the WWE will give her more a decent tribute tonight, especially since her appearences there in later years made her look like a total joke to a whole generation of fans (myself included), as she was pretty much relegated to innane comedy skits as Mae Young's sidekick, in skits that I presume Vince (and only Vince) found absolutely hilarious. WWE.com already has a tribute page up for her, and I expect Trish Stratus and other non-WWE affiliated folks to offer their memories and condolences, but hopefully they can work at least a video package in to RAW in to all the stuff they have lined up for sweeps.

On a completely different note, the fact that they were worried that Jericho might come to blows with Jim Norton (detalined further on in the article I just linked to) is hilarious to me. Mainly because Jim Morton looks like this; he's one of the few celebrities Jericho could seriously intimidate. Well, okay, that's not entirely true; maybe it's just the mental image of the buggy eyed fellow in the Liontamer that popped in my head that's making this situation funnier than it should be.

In news related to people who have been on WWE TV lately (but won't be much in the next couple months), Chris Masters and DH Smith have been suspended as part of the Wellness Policy. The announcement is on WWE.com (along with their real names, which is an odd touch), as part of their new transparency in handling drug violations or, as I like to call it, "hey Congress, get off our back!" It's pretty sad to see Smith get suspended this early in his career, but given who his dad was, it's not entirely surprising. I wonder if they were suspicious of him and that's why he didn't get the huge debut you'd expect, or if the scuttling of the New Hart Foundation was the catalyst for that. At any rate, he's out for a month. Masters is out for two, and I really have to wonder why they're still bothering with him at this point; if they keep the guy around when his physique is obviously the only thing the guy has going for him, and it's obvious how he's maintaining it, then how does that make the Wellness Policy look like it has any teeth? Although Lashley is a walking undermining of it, and he'll probably be main eventing when he gets back, so I guess that answers my question.

Finally, in something that actually pertains to the onscreen product, on top of dusting off a bunch of old guys to pop a rating instead of building up new talent, WWE has an interesting inter-promotional tag match lined up for RAW. If nothing else, I always thought Jeff Hardy and Rey would make a good team, so it should be fun to see them work together (and see if they do a 619/swanton combo). So there's that to look forward to, and make me feel like I'm watching RAW for a reason besides habit, which is pretty rare these days.

Random DVD Reviews: The Ladder Match

Okay, random's not the word; I had a very specific reason to watch one of these. That said, I can't think of a word to describe watching three matches on one disc of three disc set and then reviewing them, so random is the adjective I'm going with at this point. It will also probably recur, since this is the way I watch WWE DVDs. Trying to do a whole one in one sitting (or even a handful of them, spread out over a few days) can be tedious due to repitition, especially in the case of one based solely on a gimmick match with as many conventions/cliches as the ladder match.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rob Van Dam, Intercontinental Title- From RAW in 2002, this is a match I somehow missed despite the fact that I have been watching RAW religiously since 1998. That must have been one of the few times when my social life intruded on my obsession with pro wrestling. Anyway, this one was pretty well recieved at the time, and made it on to Eddie's DVD despite the fact that he lost the match (oddly enough, it's not on RVD's). So, I had pretty high expectations for it.

It lived up to them, although it has a couple of glaring flaws, one of which only presents a problem in hindsight (in other words, they didn't anticipate the unanticipatable). The first is Rob's less than stellar selling, which has always been his biggest flaw. Eddie worked over his legs quite a bit throughout the match, with everything from kicks to ladders and chairs, and yet Rob was still throwing kicks and jumping around at the end of the match like nothing had happened. I mean, he could always sell how damaging his own frog splash was, so it's a little hard to handle the fact that he can't even limp around. Also, Chris Benoit makes a cameo that would have been intrusive even before he became a pariah. It's a RAW match, though, so it makes sense in the context of giving them an easy commerical break when both guys were down in the ring.

That said, between Eddie's awe inspiring mullet and Rob's willingness to throw him at the ladder in pretty every move he did in the last ten minutes of the match, you do have a pretty damn good to great match here. Eddie was able to keep it from being a total spotfest while contributing some breathtaking moves, including his flipping senton of the top of the ladder. The match was conspicuosly absent of frog splash attempts although, given the fact that from that high up it almost always looks like a regular splash anyway, I can't blame them. At any rate, it's one of the better one on one ladder matches I've ever seen, and is easily in the **** club. ****1/2 if you factor Eddie's mullet in there, and ****3/4 when you factor in the fact that we haven't seen anything as good on RAW since (although RVD vs. Christian a year later was pretty damn close).

Edge vs. Christian- To be honest, I didn't finish watching this one. You'd think that these two would put on an amazing match, given how their experience in these kinds of matches, but the pacing totally killed this one (at least from what I saw). I'll have to go back and watch this one again, to see if they really were just building up to something or if it really was as tedious as the first ten minutes indicated. Given the fact that, if I remember correctly, the WWE (although they were still the WWF at this point) were trying to make the matches less of spotfests and slow down the pace so that they built to finishes, I can't really blame either guy if the match wound up sucking (or at least not living up to any of my expectations at all); they were just trying to wrestle in the house style, which was starting to seem really oppresive at this point (perhaps because it was the only house style in North America at that point). I mean, there were some cool spots in there, but everything just felt so lethargic. TLC 5- Another RAW match, and the complete opposite of the preceding one, as this was pretty much nothing but one crazy spot after another. It was a pure sugar rush kind of match; extremely exciting to watch, but I barely remember a thing from it. This was pretty much Jeff Hardy's last big time match in the WWE during his first run with them, and he got all of his requisite high spots in, including a pretty cool use of the rail runner clothesline (which I haven't seen him use in awhile, come to think of it). Everbody played their part to perfection, from Chris Jericho and Christian being the vicious (and only, in this match) heels to Spike Dudley more or less serving as a projectile with his amazing ragdoll bumping. The fact that this match's only real purpose (other than trying to pop a rating, presumably) was to get Kane over as an unstoppable double champion (he was also the Intercontinental Champion at this point, and he wrestled the whole match without his partner, the Hurricane) for his big title unification match against HHH (which he, of course, lost) puts a bit of a damper on the fun. The fact that the Katie Vick angle statred immediately after this match (although I think it would be a few weeks before Hunter had sex with a mannequin, to the delight of Vince McMahon and other plastic necorphelia enthusiasts everywhere) is also kind of a downer. That said, it's still an incredibly entertaining match and one of the best matches in RAW history on sheer spectacle value alone, so I'll go ****1/2 stars here, even if I can barely remember a damn thing that happened in it right now.

Extreme Expose EXPLODES!

Brooke has been released from WWE. If you're having a hard time remembering who she is, she's the one in Extreme Expose. Who isn't the blonde one who has a hard time dancing. And stripping. And talking. And presumably walking. But she sure is cute! Also, she isn't the black girl with the great body and the curly hair who won their talent search contest and has proceeded to earn her pay by gyrating her ass occasionally. She's the other one. Is this the end of ECW's answer to the Nitro Girls? Or will they find another woman of questionable talent to hang on the Miz's arm? Will she get a spot in TNA? Most of all, does anyone care besides me at all about any of this? Answers to that and more to come. Provided anyone even remembers Brooke at all by the end of the afternoon. Signs are pointing towards no.