Heat recap for 9/21/07

One of the web's best Heat reacaps. Because it's literally one of the only ones. But hey, this week, everyone's favorite monosyllabic legend of wrestling, Ron Simmons, is in action. That's something, right?

Our hosts are Jack Capello (I think that's what he said) and Coach, who is still stuck hosting this show. I liked him on commentary last week so no big deal. It gives me a chance to apologize to Todd Grisham for confusing him with Josh Matthews the whole show last week. I just have a hard time telling the difference between a skinny, nerdy announcer and a skinny, effete one. Anyway, on to the show!

Opening match: Cody Rhodes vs. KC James- Jeez, Rhodes has gone from regular Raw appearences to jerking the curtain on Heat? James was last seen jobbing to London and Kendrick on Smackdown, who are main eventing against the Highlanders.

Coach plugs his being a dick to John Cena's dad on Raw while James gets a wristlock. Rhodes reverses and they do some stuff that leads to a whip and a shoulderblock and arm drag. He stays on the arm for a bit before James pushes him to the corner to ge a break, and then follows with the obligatory heel cheap shot. Rhodes slugs away, and they do another basic sequence, which ends in a knee to the gut from James to Rhodes. Single arm DDT gets two. Announcer I've never heard of calls it a nice manouver. Apparently he graduated from the VInce McMahon school of broadcasting. James goes to the arm, but Rhodes rolls him up for two. More stuff on the arm for James leads to a two. James is sticking with the damn arm, so points for consistency, but I usually fast forward through this kind of stuff. Coach no sells new guy's advocacy for Cena having the title with a yawn. He is awesome on this show. Rhodes comes back with a dropkick, backdrop, and bulldog for two. That's like his whole moveset, other than Dusty's punches and the DDT. Which he finishes with. This was a solid, old school match, which is fitting for two rather green guys.Please don't try this at home PSA that you have to sit through on every single DVD, including Hardcore Holly's gory cut in that ECW match with RVD from last year.

Ron Simmons is out for his match. It's amazing how over he is just from saying one word. His opponent is Johnny Parisi, who I think is Johnny Swinger from TNA. They acknowledge that he's the first African American World Champ, which is one of the cool things about Vince owning everything. Spinebuster finishes Parisi pretty quickly, and Ron gets in his crowd pleasing catchphrase. How is he not in the new Smackdown vs. Raw game, exactly? Headstand over the top rope seems pretty risky for middle aged guy. More than squashing a former NWA Tag Champ.

WWE Divas magazine ad, which I have too much dignity to own. Yet. Soapy Maria is kind of hard to pass up.

Main event time! New guy mocks Todd Grisham as Coach puts over London and Kendrick. He's no JBL, but nice try anyway. The only other tag team on RAW besides the champs (who are dominant in tag matchges but really suck in handicap matches, apparently) are out. Maybe turning heel would be a good way for the Highlanders to go. Viscera went from goofball jobbery to being a bad ass heel, twice, so it's not unheard of. Although that took it being 1995 and going to the small pond of ECW, so maybe he's a bad example. Chain wrestling between Spanky and Rory starts us out. That goes on for a bit. Kendrick flips out of a backdrop and runs the ropes but gets a knee to the guy for his trouble. Robby takes over. I'm Robby! That was always amusing. Basic double team stuff, as they continue to put over London and Kendrick on commentary, comparing them to Rey Mysterio. Works for me.

Highlanders work over the arm on Kendrick, which is a theme tonight (even though it's afternoon here), but he comes back with a hip toss and tags in London, who resembles a guy I hung out with in college with his beard. More basic chainwrestling, which is fine, given the Highlanders limitations and the fact that it's a face vs. face match, so you can't have the Highlanders just tossing the little guys around. London slides through Robby's legs and rolls him up for two, giving us a rare male upskirt shot. Or upkilt, as Roddy Piper might protest if he didn't have better things to do. London gets another two of a crossbody. Robby does a cool flip out of the corner but gets caught with that bitchin' back kick that Punk, Joe, Mickie James and seemingly every other ROH alumnus does, and Kendrick gets a sloppy looking roll up for two after tagging in. I think that one was Robby's fault, but it still looked awkward.

More shit with the arm (please, pick another body part, for variety's sake!), and Robby does a chest bump in the corner off a charge for two. Lots of near falls for Spanky follow before Robby breaks a wristlcok and makes the tag, as Coach make an allusion to the fact that this new announcer guy is getting fired pretty soon. How can he be so funny here and have bombed so bad on Raw? Rory's in, apparently taking time off from covering the Obama campaign, and he takes a Spanky roll up for two. For those not in the know, Spanky and Kendrick are the same guy and I will use those names interchangabely. I will also make at least one Gilmore Girl reference in every Highlanders match. Anyway, Spanky seems deadset on doing every roll up variation he can think of. Tag to London, but Rory gets pissed off and dumps London with authority, as we get a commerical break. On a web show?Jeff Hardy video package for no apparent reason. They didn't even shill his shirts or anything. Back in, Paul London is your face in peril. London fights back from the ropes, but Robby cuts him off before he can get the tag and clubbers away. Double suplex gets two, as they reference that long title reign on Smackdown. They will always have that, which is good. Coach explains that Raw is different from Smackdown without putting over Raw, which is nice of him. Crowd participation chinlock by Rory, but London can't get the tag. Falling headbutt following the face slap tag by Robby, and he gets the backbreaker stretch submission which Melina busted out last week, I think. London fights out with kicks, but Robby gets the tag and continues the punishment. Robby's a really good heel, actually, as he stays on the back. I mean Rory. The bald one who looks nothing like Alexis Bledel. They reference HHH's douchey Pedigrees on London and Kendrick after they made the save and put him over as a lone wolf, which is a good character for him. Then they go on to verbally felate their potential new boss before London gets out of a bearhug with an atomic drop and a pretty 'rana. Kendrick cleans house with his "blitz of moves" as the Coach puts it. London enziguri puts Rory out, and Kendrick finishes off Robby with a corkscrew press, HBK esque superkick (according to Coach), and the sliced bread #2, or the best finisher the WWE hasn't banned yet. That's enough to keep the goofy Scottsman down. Show ends with Londrick celebrating the hard fought victory. I'd go for ** on this one, if I did star (or asterik, really) ratings. Again, this was a fun show, and the main event was probably the best tag match I've seen on free TV in awhile, as they kept it simple, played the formula, and put over the right guys. The other two matches were perfectly acceptable wrestling, so I'm still on board for recapping this show, at least until I develop an actual social life.