Something funny from WWE.com

I visit WWE.com a lot, but that's usually to check out their photo and video content. And by that, I mean masturbate to photos and videos of the Divas. Crap, I really need to work on that too much information problem I have.

Anyway, I don't often read the various articles there because, well, they suck. They're written in the time honored tradition of the kayfabe wrestling magazines that are still on the stands, but not the current WWE Magazine, oddly enough. It has been very entertaining over the last year, at least the parts that I have quickly read through at the grocery store before putting it back on the rack and trying to pick up something less embarassing, and then realizing that all of my interests are at least sort of embarassing and walking away.

That being said, I found this little theoretical interview with Vince pretty funny. As lame a pay off as Hornswaggle being a McMahon is in storyline terms (as in, you spent that much time on a midget gag?), there's some great comedy inherent in Vince's son being a filthy leprechaun. If nothing else, he and Shane could probably have a very entertaining garbage match over the Cruiserweight Title, if Shane could be bothered to even pretend to want to be the Cruiserweight Champion. But come on; aren't we all waiting for him to do something horribly embarassing to Stephanie (who, I must say, is looking quite hot since giving birth to HHH's demon seed)? This could be hilarious. Or it could be swept under the rug until Kennedy's done serving his time out and they do the storyline they really wanted to. Either way, I'm just twisted enough to really like the idea of Hornswoggle McMahon and hope that it leads to many a backstage skit.

Hell, at least it wasn't the oily fat guy, Lashley, or Khali; the midget has the benefit of being entertaining and over. Which could be why he has gold and ROH hero Jamie Noble is his bitch. Although, hey, at least Jamie's on TV every week. Couldn't say that before he was taking pies in the face and tripping on marbles. Which is why, unlike the esteemed Lance Storm, I had no problem with that title match a few weeks ago between them. Hell, the WWE treats the Cruiserweight title like a joke anyway; in the past, they've had such luminaries as a past her prime Jackie Moore, total jobbers Funaki and Spike Dudley (although I did like his evil beard when he turned heel), and holy shit he's still alive Chavo Guerrero Sr. holding the belt. Why not make it in to the comedy belt? And, you know, midgets are inherently funny. That's why they exist. They are God's littlest, cruelest joke, and should run around wrestling rings for our amusement. Also, even in WCW, where the title had its glory days, there were much worse champions than Finaly's midget pal, such as:
total jobber (and future boy band member and trivia question answer) Evan Karagias,
past her prime Madusa,
awful, mean spirited joke that no one but Vince Russo found funny Oklahoma (guess who he was meant to parody?)
Prince Iaukea with a lame Prince gimmick but the same total lack of wrestling skills (and Booker T's future wife as his valet, oddly enough)
the awesome yet not meant for this belt Daffney Unger
Disco Fucking Inferno. I have no descriptive text for him, I just really dislike Disco Inferno.

Anyway, I like the damn midget. And Lance Storm has no discernible sense of humor. So there.

Okay, that's not fair. It's not like the Hornswaggle/Noble stuff has been side splitting. But I find it at least mildly amusing, and as much as I hate to say it, I'll take that over interchangable jobbers doing flips for five minutes, which is what the Cruiserweight Title had come to before this, even when someone like Paul London or Nunzio had it. Velocity dying in favor of ECW didn't help in that regard; at least back when it was around, you'd get one good, solid cruiser match a week. But take Noble/Moore from this week; solid stuff, but no heat, and very rushed. Might as well just turn it in to pie tossing and marble slipping. Look, as nice as it is to say that they could put on a ton of awesome matches, it's just never going to happen, at least as long as Vince doesn't get cruiserweights unless they make him money (like Shawn, Rey, and hopefully Punk), and moves the ones that do far away from the belt to actual success. The Cruiserweight title's glory days are as dead as ECW's, they just care so little about them that they didn't spend six months telling us so. They aren't comng back. You don't have to like comedy matches over the belt, but after this long, we all have to accept that they're probably never going to have the kind of cruiser division that made WCW watchable when the main event was so awful, and that could have a similar effect now. I would love to see Rey vs. Punk, London vs. Kendrick, and Noble vs. Yang, Helms vs. Moore, et al. as matches over the belt that were treated seriously and given a chance to really knock the crowd's socks off, but I just don't think WWE's the place where it will happen. What's really sad is that neither is TNA with their resident cruiser talent, which is the only use I ever had for them.

Wow, this went so far away from where I started it that I have no idea what it was originally about. This posting shit can be pretty weird. I think I'll go back to ignoring this blog for awhile.