Reaction to the Results of that PPV I totally don't care about

Via Inside Pulse:

CM Punk over Elijah Burke via roll up to retain the ECW Championship- All of the European Title allusions are looking pretty accurate now that they're making them curtain jerk. Having him win by roll up doesn't exactly give me confidence that they're behind Punk (well, that and he only got the damn belt because they had to suspend Morrison), but if it means more matches between these two, I'm cool with it. Also, good to see someone bring back the cloverleaf. Malenko must be proud.

MVP 2.0 over Duece and Domino to retain the WWE Tag Team Championship- Works for me. I hate the stupid greasers, and they might as well keep Hardy and Porter teamed up until they get the singles matches rolling again.

HHH over Carlito in foregone conclusion match with foregone finisher(one in a series tonight)- It is what it says on the tin. Hopefully that rumored Umaga match next month will help the pudgy fella get his heat back. Yeah, I couldn't say that with a straight face. I wish they'd not even bother with Orton as a middleman and do Cena/HHH II at Survivor Series or whenever Hunter's meant to have his triumphant 11th title win.

Candice over Beth Phoenix via rollup to retain the Women's Championship- Works for me. I like Candice, and the fact that she had to win with a roll up doesn't hurt Phoenix's powerhouse rep much, since it's kind of flukey.

Batista over Rey and Khali to finally win the World Heavyweight Title after like a million consecutive unsuccessful, via a spinebuster to Khali- Well, I'd rather Rey had won, but whatever; our long national nightmare is over, and Gary can back to doing his shitty chops and nerve holds to jobbers. I hope. I think they're pushing their luck if they do another 'Taker/Batista match, since it was a minor miracle that their trilogy earlier this year was so good, and 'Taker is just coming off an injury, but I'll take them over more Gary in the semi-main event. At least they're not going to put UT/Gary on PPV. I hope.

Rednecks over Londrick to retain World Tag Titles, via Cadebuster- This will probably go on for awhile, so again, whatever. PK at the Pulse made it sound like a squash, which is sort of distressing for a big London and Kendrick fan like me, but since the only other existing tag team on Raw right now is the Highlanders, I doubt they'll lose their spot yet.

The King of All Chinlocks over John Cena via DQ in WWE Title Match, Cena still has the belt- Okay, given the fact that Orton already kicked him in the head, why the hell would you let your dad sit in the front row again? Sure, it lead to symmetry and poetic justice and what not, but it's still pretty fucking stupid, given that Cena was so torn up about the first punting of doom that he promised Vince he'd rip Orton's leg off and beat him about the head with it last Monday. As for the DQ finish, at least it wasn't the main event (although I'm not sure putting Undertaker and Henry on last was neccessarily better), and it makes sense, given that Orton's name being on the Signature Pharmacy list doesn't make him the ideal guy to be holding the top belt in the company, but they still need to milk this feud another month, so jobbing him again wouldn't do. What's funny is that a lot of the IP Roundtable guys called this finish, so it's not like anyone who didn't have a total hard on to see Orton take the belt off Cena didn't see this coming.

Undertaker over Black Predator (what, he looks like the Predator!), Corner Last Ride, in our second and final foregone conclusion of the evening- I guess this sends the fans home happy. Pretty sad that Big Dave's long road back to the title and pinfall victory over the monster heel Gary was smack in the middle of this thing, but 'Taker fighting the big strong guy (I'll assume he's like the Kingpin and it's all muscle) he's handily beaten before gets the main event. I guess Dave finally winning, after all of these shots, isn't much of a big deal (especially since Rey is probably the bigger face) so much as a mercy killing of Gary's Rampage of Sucking, but still; shouldn't the only title change on the show gone on sooner? Eh, fuck it, I'm showing too much interest in a show I spent a lot of time bitching about, so I'd better quit before I pull a Kennedy (Kennedy!) and look like a stupid hypocrite.